Friday, July 29, 2011


Back from vacation and as usual the story has changed for our respite foster child's future.  This whole first time respite foster thing has been crazy, there is no other word for it.

When I started doing respite care I was told that E--- would be with his Grandma at the end of June.  Enter his new DHS worker, the first words out of his mouth upon meeting me were: "Do you want to adopt E----?"

This new DHS worker has been fighting against E----'s reunification with his parents, and against E---'s grandmother who wants to take over his care via kinship care.  He was doing this in the face of the court order for reunification.

Now DHS has decided to support his grandmother taking over his care.  While we will miss E----, I know that it is best for him to be with his family if there is a safe and loving option there for him.

It has been astounding over the last few months to go from "just respite" care, to doing A LOT of care for him, to "will you be pre-adoptive for him?" and now to "he will probably go home with Grandma in a few weeks.

What a dizzying ride this last 10 weeks has been.  To be honest I feel sad when I think about him leaving, but also relieved that I won't be raising another child (we did not choose foster care as a way to expand our family).

Am I up for this emotional whiplash...?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

How did I get here?

I was on vacation for three weeks this summer and I gained about 15 pounds!  But that is NOT what I want to write about, I do have a few deeper issues in my life.

While on said vacation I found myself alone staring out at the water feeling such a sense of peace.  The warm sun on my skin, the cooling water at my feet.  The only sounds of wind and rippling water.  The subtle scent of blooming flowers, earth and water, it felt like HEAVEN. 

There was no one yelling "MOM!" and no one needed me to take them to court.

All of my children are getting older. 

The drama in our home has decreased by leaps and bounds since Jordy moved out and is taking responsibility for her life, financially and otherwise.

"Why?" I asked myself, "would you want to complicate your life now?"

Long story short we have finished the long process of becoming foster parents.  I know what you may be thinking, I am obviously thinking it myself. 

"What ARE you thinking?" sums up most of the raised eyebrows and disbelieving looks we have received from friends and family.  They are too polite to say it out loud.

 I have to say I appreciate those looks more than I do the usual somewhat condescending comments of others about my huge heart, or how can you send babies back to such horrible parents? etc.

Moving on, we started out in the Spring doing respite care (temporary care for overwhelmed foster parents, or more often vacation care).

This quickly turned into having the same adorable 7 month old in our house for half of May and most of June. (It's a long story)  The short of it is that we have been asked if we would be interested in taking over his care (after his Aug. court date), AND, get this, be a pre-adoptive home for him!

How did I get here?  How did I get to a place where I have to choose between the relative peace and ease that my life has become and the old stresses of having a baby in the house again?  The answer of course is in some ways very complicated while in another way is extremely simple.

As a stay at home Mom I felt that I had been promoted when all my girls were finally in school.  I had a little free time, the house ran more smoothly, I could cook dinner almost every night without tears. 

After two years as an executive level Mom ( all kids in school all day), I went back to college to finally make something of myself. That was when all Hell broke loose with Jordy.

I could not focus on homework and paper writing while court summons and fines began clogging up my mail box.

I was demoted back to entry level full time Mom.  It took about 3 years of counseling and hard work to help Jordy back on to the straight and narrow.

I enjoyed a year or so of peace and quiet and then I had this idea...