Friday, August 26, 2011

Mixed Emotions of Motivations

When our agency asked us to be a pre-adoptive home for E it changed the way I felt about fostering.

We never intended to adopt via foster care.  We chose foster care to provide a safe and loving place for children while they are waiting to go home to their families.

I wanted a baby/toddler in the house again.  My kids (for the most part) were psyched about having a little one in the house.

Foster care felt like the best of both worlds, to be able to love a child, enjoy the fun part of parenting without having to go through thirty 18 years of ups and downs and work, work, work!

But, I have to admit when we were asked to consider adopting E it did a number on my head.  All of a sudden caring for E took on a whole new meaning.

There was a new level of excitement as we contemplated a whole life with E.  There was also a new level of anxiety, fear and second guessing.  The fostering experience was majorly heightened.

Then we were told that DHS and our agency was going to recommend that E go to his Grandmother, we fell off of a cliff.  We were back to just caring for him for someone else.

Doing all of the work with none of the pay off is what it suddenly felt like to me.

Crazy stuff, the bottom line for me is that as much as fostering a child benefits me and my family and any child we care for, it is also a sacrifice.  The same sacrifices I make for my own children I have to be willing to make for another Mother's children.

Talk, talk, talk... walk walk walking is the hardest thing.

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