Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What do you send or take to visits?

When we had E for respite care I would take him to his visits with his parents.  I packed a diaper bag of extra clothes, diapers, wipes, a bottle, finger food snacks and a toy or two.

I am not taking Primo to his family visits, because of a scheduling conflict, his social worker is taking him.

I packed his diaper bag with all of the things I mentioned above with the exception of finger food.  I also added a note card with some photos from Primo's first week with us.

It felt very awkward to write that card to Primo's family.  There were no scripted greeting card sayings that came to mind.  I completely over thought the whole thing.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I would want if I were in Primo's Mom and Dad's shoes.  I LOVE photos, so I knew I would send those, but what to write in the card?

I kept it short, two sentences about his beauty and growth.

I was so relieved when Primo's social worker brought him home and told me it had been a great visit and that his Mom had really appreciated the photos.

What do you send or take to visits?  Photos, notes, gifts or food?  I would love to know.


  1. I have sent photos a couple times. In general, we take the kids to their visits so notes aren't exactly necessary. We see the bio parent(s) in the waiting room prior to the visit starting. I do not send gifts. And, no food or drink is allowed during a visit. So, pretty much, I just bring the kid and what they need for that immediate time away from our home (ie. diaper bag if necessary).

    It is my belief that when the kids are on a visit it is up to the parents to actual do the parenting. I was told that the parents are supposed to be the ones that bring things to entertain the children. At first, Pumpkin's mom kept buying horribly inappropriate toys for Pumpkin and sending them home with her after visits. I collected them for awhile and then decided to give them all back. I simply gave Mom a bag and recommended that she keep the toys and bring them for Pumpkin to play with at visits.

    Dolly and Dude had NO toys of their own prior to coming into care. Because they have become accustomed to playing with toys now, I have sent bags with toys for them to have during the visit. Granted, they've only had two visits since coming into care in June. But that's what we've done so far.

    Photos are always nice. Especially when the kids are babies and they change so frequently. I know some foster parents that keep a notebook and write things in it between visits to keep the parents up to speed with all that is going on. More than anything, I think what you send should really be tailored to the child's case, the needs of the child and the requirements of the State.

  2. Thanks for your comment I value your opinion and LOVE your blog!