Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Panic

A couple of times during the first week of Primo's being in our home I had sudden feelings of panic.

I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of caring for such a small child.  Not only that but by caring for another Mother's beloved baby boy.

When I am in the thick of it all, feeding, washing bottles, changing diapers, driving to appointments, cooking, cleaning, rocking and snuggling I don't even think about this huge responsibility.

I am in the moment, doing the best I can to care for Primo and the rest of my family.  I have never been a perfect mother, but I keep doing the best I can do, one day at a time.

But in those few brief moments of silence I felt challenged.  I am sure the lack of sleep that first week added to the feelings of overwhelm and panic.

Thank goodness I had some Rescue Remedy on hand to help me through.

I am looking forward to this all getting easier.  The first time I do anything always feels awkward to me.  Inexperience is hard, but the only way to gain experience is to go straight through my lack of experience and try to learn something along the way.

I have had quite a few firsts in the last two weeks, and managed to get through them successfully.   This builds my confidence: first Social Worker visit, first safety inspection, first doctor's appointment for Primo with no paper work, first WIC appointment, again without proper paperwork, first visit with Court Appointed Advocate.

And do you know what?  Even without the paperwork or experience I hoped to have had with me, Primo and I made it through all of the above successfully.

Now, if I could just get a little more sleep...

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