Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Liebster Blog Award



Liebster is a German word which means "dearest" or "beloved". It is also used to refer to as someones favorite and the idea of the Liebster Blog Award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers that deserve more recognition and encouragement.



    Below are the rules that come with the Liebster Blog Award



1. Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who 


gave it to you.
 


2. Reveal your top five picks and let them know by 

leaving a comment on their blog.
  


3. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
  


4. Hope that the people you've sent the award to 

forward it on to their five favorite bloggers and keep it 
going!                                                                                                                                                                                                     
I was nominated by Teresa at  Foster Care: Our Love Story , she is a young foster Mom who is wise beyond her years and I have learned so much from her blog.   


I absolutely love all of the blogs that I follow, but here are my top five picks right now:

1. Life with the Little, written by Jenn.  She is new to blogging, but not to foster care, she adopted her adorable son through foster care and continues to foster other children.

2.  Heather at ImmediateMom.com  Her blog is a wonderfully honest look into the world of adopting an older child.

3.  Attempting Agape is a beautifully written blog by the young, single, Christian, Foster Mamma. 

4.  A Shadow of Grief
    This is one of the first blogs I started following.  It is a very open and honest blog about   an emergency hysterectomy and the subsequent journey of healing that led to foster care along the way.


5.  Alison at for you {by love} , this is a fun blog that mixes foster care stories with DIY projects.
                                                                                           

Monday, November 28, 2011

Results from Court

I really should have known given all of the foster care court stories I have heard, but alas, my naivete won out.

I won't go into the nitty-gritty details.  The bizarre short version is that EVERYONE, all of the SWs, DHS and the GAL recommended termination (it turns out Primo's siblings have been in care for 3 years and are about to move to their 4th home, and they are actually 4 and 6 years old?).

What was the judge's ruling based on this unanimous recommendation?  Unsupervised visitation!

Next court date is in February, Primo will be with us until then, God willing, because let's face it you never know!


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Spoiled Healthy

When DHS came by to finish their safety inspection one of the workers asked me if Primo was spoiled?


This got me thinking about whether or not an infant can be spoiled?  I don't think so.

Every infant deserves to be kissed every time they are picked up.  They deserve to be told "I love you" many, many times a day.


Every infant deserves to be fed when hungry, changed when wet, bathed in warm water and snuggled in loving arms.  They deserve a warm safe place to sleep.


And most importantly every infant deserves a family who thinks they are a truly special, one of a kind baby.  A family who will defend and protect them, love and encourage them and stand by them no matter what.


I LOVE spoiling Primo healthy!







Monday, November 21, 2011

Foster care wall

I hit a foster care wall this weekend.

The only time I had alone this last weekend was when I went out to stock up on enormous boxes of diapers and wipes.  Because the last thing I want to be running out to get during the crazy holiday crowds are diapers and wipes.  (My goal this year is to do all of my Christmas shopping online.)


The lack of sleep, the hard foster care decisions, the Thanksgiving guests heading my way, and not taking any time out for myself this weekend along with Primo getting sick and then the rest of the family getting sick culminated in a super low point for me.

I felt like a zombie by Sunday night and went to bed early while Primo and Mike watched the Sunday night football game.

I woke up around 12:30 AM to find that Primo was not in his bassinet.  I was in a panic.  

I quickly realized that Mike was not in bed either, so I dashed to the guest/Primo's room to find both Mike and Primo snoring away.  Relief.

I was able to sleep straight through until 8:30, which has helped relieve my low.

But the bottom line is that Primo's chances of going home with his siblings are disintegrating before my eyes and it is extremely hard to watch.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

We decided we could not take Primo's siblings in at this time.  We have space constraints and I am just plain exhausted from getting up 3 times a night Primo.


It feels like the right decision for our family, but the wrong decision for Primo's family.


Thursday, November 17, 2011

Siblings

2 hours after my agency called to let me know that Primo's visit with his parents and siblings was cancelled they called and asked me to take his two siblings, ages 2 and 4.

Cancelled Visit

Primo's parents did not call to confirm their visit today.


Their phone has been disconnected.


I am surprised.  Primo's parents clearly love their children.  In the past they have complained that their visits were too short.


I am not sure what to think. 


What I feel right now is a tremendous sense of rejection on Primo's behalf.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

True Dat Tuesday

I came across a quote yesterday that truly spoke to me about foster care.


I am growing a bit weary of most people's response to our starting foster care being the typical "I could never do foster care, I couldn't send those children back to a bad situation", or something about "the heartbreak of letting a child you love go".

I am sure you have had many similar responses if you are a foster parent too.

The truth about life is that we are never guaranteed a long life with the ones we love.  Couples divorce, beloved spouses die, children die before their parents and parents die when they still have young children.


Here is the quote:


“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either. For solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

~ Louise Erdrich (The Painted Drum)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Seeking Clarity

Primo's case has had many twists and turns.  It seemed straight forward in the beginning, but not so much any more.

I am looking forward to the court date after Thanksgiving.  Hoping it will give us some clarity as to where Primo is heading.

I am continually amazed by how little DHS, my agency, and Primo's worker actually know about the children in their care.


Friday, November 11, 2011

Time change

The time change has changed my schedule.  I don't like time changes.  I think we should split the difference and leave the time alone.


I mind the Fall Back time change less, but Spring Forward is a nightmare.


Anyway, Primo is still a fleeting napper, some days he takes an hour, other days a few 20 minute naps.


With the time change he has begun sleeping at night from about 10 PM to 10 AM, not straight through, he is still up every 3 hours.


I used to sleep in every morning with Primo to make up for the sleep I lost every 3 hours during the night.


Now I am getting up after the 7 AM feeding, it is wonderful to have that little bit of time to be by myself while Primo sleeps.


Never thought I would be thankful for a time change.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Crazy

This week when Primo's visit ran late I was in the waiting room with a bunch of people waiting for their parenting class to start.


It was shocking, two women were obviously high.  One poor woman kept asking everyone if they had seen her twin boys?  She said they were with her mother and sister who were trying to keep them from her.  Her every other word was a !$%@ and she became very agitated and threatening.  She kept repeating that she had 5 children and could only find 2 of them and if any of us stood between her and her children...


The smell in the room was horrible and everyone looked uncomfortable.


I felt shell shocked when I left and cried most of the way home.


Drugs and alcohol are so devastating to families.


Can parenting even be taught?


I feel so depressed about Primo's future right now.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

True Dat Tuesday

"I thank you for being a foster Mom, I thank you for my two brothers who each adopted children who were in foster care with wonderful foster parents."

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I am one of those women

You know, THOSE women?


They only realize they haven't brushed their hair when they look into their rear view mirror as they are backing out of the grocery store parking lot.


They go out in dirty sweats, and are constantly finding baby spit up on themselves.


They haven't worn jewelry in months.


They don't wash their faces at night anymore.


They do brush their teeth, on a good day.


 Make up? HA!


They drive to Petco without their wallets.


I am one of these women...




Friday, November 4, 2011

The first week

Primo is having a REAL nap right now.  He has only had a few of these over the last 6 weeks.  These naps lasting more than half an hour make my day infinitely happier.  Who knew I could feel happy about cleaning the kitchen, folding 3 loads of laundry and paying the bills, but happy I am.


The first week Primo was with us was beyond exhausting.  It felt a bit like I was in shock.  There was so many appointments, so many new things to learn, lack of sleep and the house felt like it was falling down around me.


As this is my first placement I am hoping the next ones may be easier.  But I think that any time you take in a child there will be an adjustment period.


Routine was my best friend, and there was not a lot of routine with a month old baby.  Luckily my kids and husband helped set up new routines.  Mike took over the food shopping and cooking in the evenings.  I napped every day.


Slowly we created a routine at night with me doing the feedings and Mike changing diapers.


I really could not get enough routine, and Primo could not be routine enough at his age.


Time helped.  I was literally bleary eyed tired the first week, I couldn't drive or do anything with the exception of napping whenever Primo napped.


The second week was a little easier and it has been getting better ever since.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Meet the Parents

If I had met them at a party I would have thought they were lovely.


But, knowing some back round on Primo's case colors how I view his parents.


I also met Primo's two siblings who are also in care and have been in 3 different homes over the past 2 years.


In my heart of hearts I want to believe that Primo's parents will get it all together and live happily ever after with their three beautiful children.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

True Dat Tuesdays...

I am going to be posting the touching, funny, awkward and crazy things people say to me about foster care on what I will call True Dat Tuesdays.


The first quote and one of my favorites is this winner: "He's just like a real baby."