Sunday, January 1, 2012

Is it the thought that counts?

I know Primo is only 4 months old, but I really thought his parents might give him a Christmas gift.

I made very simple personalized gifts for Primo to give to his parents and siblings.  They very much appreciated them, which resulted in hugs all around.  I was reminded that thoughtful, simple gifts go a long way during the holidays.  I felt uplifted and pleased with myself.  Quite smug in fact, as if I alone had discovered the true meaning of Christmas.

I even remembered, at the last minute, to buy a gift for Primo's social worker, she was very touched too.

To be honest I was exceedingly struck by Primo's siblings and parent's response to what I considered a very small kindness.  I was propelled into the Christmas spirit, and enjoyed my own Christmas celebration, a few days later, more than I had in years past.  I felt happy to know, that in a materialistic culture such as ours, a little thoughtfulness and love went a long way.

On this visit before Christmas no gifts were exchanged between Primo, his sibs and parents, they planned to bring their gifts to their visit after Christmas.

(All other visits during this particular day of the week between Christmas and the New Year had been cancelled.  We were the only ones visiting in a very empty agency office.)

The official Christmas visit resulted in no Christmas gift for Primo.  I have to say that I felt a bit deflated.

Without a present was there evidence of some thoughtfulness and love?  Of course there could be.  His parents showed up to see him and maybe that should be gift enough for me?  Or better yet maybe this shouldn't be about me at all, but I do seem to take on feelings and emotions for Primo that he obviously doesn't have at his age.

The bottom line is that I would have felt much better about Primo's parents if they had remembered to give him any little thing for Christmas.  But I guess these are my issues to work out!?


  1. I understand! My Pumpkin only gets one visit a month so her "Christmas visit" was sometime the first week of December.

    Her family brought her gifts. She opened them. All seemed as normal as it could be.

    But when the transfer time came and Pumpkin was being loaded into my vehicle, they asked her if she wanted her gifts. Pumpkin answered, "put it back". (This is normal for Pumpkin. She answers questions in weird ways - when she answers them at all.)

    Instead of Pumpkin's family handing me her gifts so I could keep them for her, they simply took everything and loaded it into their car instead. It was so odd and awkward for me. I mean, those gifts were for Pumpkin. Shouldn't she have them in the home she lives in?! They bought them for her. They probably won't bring them to any future visits. (They haven't been bringing anything to do during the visits lately.)

    Instead, I made sure to let my social worker know what had happened so I can't be accused of stealing Pumpkin's toys in the future. Thankfully, Pumpkin didn't know the difference. And I showered her with plenty on Christmas day.

    Understanding these bio families is a difficult thing to do!

  2. Yes, it is a difficult thing to understand. Primo's parents brought one gift each for his siblings, but would not let the kids take them to their foster home.

    Primo received lots of nice gifts from our family, in fact he probably received more gifts than anyone else.

    Primo's parents also bring nothing to visits to entertain their children, and I know they expect me to load up his diaper bag with toys, and for his sake I usually send one toy to help keep him happy.

  3. our sweet foster daughter - "momma bear" received nothing on her bday - and for christmas both kiddies got dirty, broken, inappropriate toys from bio dad.

    not sure which was worse. when she got nothing on her bday i just chose to think he must have something at home - to see what he did give them made me so sad.

    i know finances are not a judge of capable parenting - but BROKEN and inappropriate toys is not a good sign.