Thursday, August 23, 2012

dressed to impress

For a long time now I have found myself thinking about Primo's parents and his visits with them when I am shopping for Primo's clothes. I shop specifically with those visits in mind.  I want him to look cute and well dressed at visits. I save designer brands and new clothes for visits.

I'm not sure when I started thinking this way, it probably started at the first visit. The child has never worn the same outfit twice to a visit.

On some level I clearly equate new nice clothes with love and care.  Like these clothes are a reflection on how much I love Primo and how much I want his parents to see that he is well taken care of.

I didn't think too much about my compulsion for saving his "good" clothes for visits until his parents started missing visits. When his parents didn't see him I would feel disappointed that they didn't see his specially selected outfit. This was a huge let down for me. I feel a bit vain even writing about this issue.

Do you dress your kids up for visits?


9 comments:

  1. For the most part - yes. Granted, when visits were close to when school got out for the afternoon my little one went to her visit in her school uniform. But I'd make sure her hair was done up top-notch. And I typically do a different style for each visit with colorful bows and/or clips. Pumpkin never leaves the home without having her hair looking spectacular!

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  2. With my first placement I always dressed them their best at first....until their parents started feeding them juice and snacks that got all over their clothes every time. I still was a fanatic about them being clean, etc, but I didn't dress them in their nicest clothes anymore. My new placement, for various reasons, I feel more like I need to dress the girls cleanly and nicely, but definitely not over the top. I think all (good) foster parents obsess over how their kids look for visits :)

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  3. I just make sure they are clean. Sometimes, some of the visits at the mom's rehab she would keep the clothes and return her in old jammies. So I didn't do nice clothes then.

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  4. I don't like him to wear the same thing twice, and I find myself making sure he's completely clean and stain-free, and wearing something I think is cute and doesn't look like PJs. I have always told them they can bring clothes and I'll put him in it.

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  5. I guess I am in the minority! My boys (then 2 and 3) pick their own clothes out. You can imagine that some days they choose some rather interesting combination, but I want to teach them independence and I don't care what they wear as long as it is weather appropriate. Also, half the time they'd come home from visits in different clothes than what they were wearing, and I'd never see the clothes that I had sent them in again. Sometimes they would even be missing shoes and stuff. They don't have visits anymore so I don't have to worry about it. :)

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  6. I am NEVER sending good clothes with her again! Our BM for PIB sends her back trashy, filthy, nasty, and sticky, clothes covered with stains everytime. So I'm done, I'll send her in the clothes (the few and far between) she purchases for her or clean (as in of course washed) play clothes that I could care less about. I don't send her with a wipe container (I use ziplocs) or bows, or clips or anything because the BM steals them, same with diapers!

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  7. So, is the point to show them they are well cared for or that you can care for them better than the bio parents? It seems like a passive aggressive dig to me. Making sure they are clean and cared for is one thing, but making sure they have new name brand clothing actually seems pretty tacky.

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  8. Wow Anonymous! If you are going to leave such a gutsy comment you ought to have enough guts to leave a name.

    We haven't had a visit yet but I understand what you are saying. I am sure I will want to send them in something awesome. Not as a dig but because if their parents don't get to see them everyday I want to them to look great when they do.

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  9. I know this post is a few months old, but I also make sure my foster daughter is well-dressed on days she might have a visit. However, she goes to the visits from daycare and the backup clothes they have on hand are the clothes I don't care about - stuff that isn't my style or that I think is flat-out ugly, but is still serviceable enough to be worn. So some days I have no idea if she attended the visit in the outfit I picked out, or in the mismatched, almost-too-small stuff from her cubby at daycare after she got food on her good stuff.

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