Sunday, September 30, 2012

A year

Primo celebrated his first birthday in foster care. He has now spent over a year in foster care.

In some ways he is one of the lucky ones, he has no idea of a life any different than the life he has spent in our home for the last year. In many ways we are not so lucky, we know that he will probably leave us sometime during the next year.

Primo is lucky that we are all completely bonded to him, we are his peeps. He loves us and we love him. But he has other parents who want him back, he knows them and he likes them too.

Right now I feel that I will be able to handle my feelings when he leaves. However I feel sad for the pain that is coming for my children. The day Primo leaves will be full of tears and sadness.

I feel even worse for the sadness and pain that is coming for Primo. I feel like a fraud, like I have perpetrated a great scam, I have been his mother in every way possible all the while knowing that he will leave us. All he knows is that I'm his mother, Mike is his father and he is surrounded by beautiful, caring sisters. Primo's life as he knows it will simply disappear one day, evaporate into thin air. Every routine, every kiss, everyone he depends on, the pets he adores, the only bedroom he has ever known will all be lost to him.

The hardest thing for me will be knowing that Primo will feel rejected and abandon by me and my family.

3 comments:

  1. I found I couldn't (still can't) let my mind go there. I HAVE to trust that God would have had them stay if that was the best thing for them and for us. He must have comforted them and helped them, He must have...

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  2. Oh my totally understand and feel your pain. I think the same things sometimes. I was recently licenced for foster care no kiddos yet. I plan to foster infants. I have had the same thoughts and I agree with the above comment I do not want to let my thoughts go there I must stay focused on God's plan and knowing that it is all in his hands. I have experienced this loss, last year I kept my great niece a lot and totally bonded with her as well as my husband and extended family. We were part of her constant and consistent nurturing and then one day we were not without warning and my heart was broken. I had physical pain and heartbreak. But I know my God has his reasons and one of the reasons I got to spend precious time with her was to know I was suppose to be fostering and well I had to learn the lesson of letting God carry my though my brokeness. I miss my sugarbug but I know she got good love and care. I pray for healing and restoration in broken relationships.

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  3. I have enjoyed reading your blog. We are in the process of becoming foster parents. Your words are touching. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

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