Thursday, October 25, 2012

How late is too late?

I'm punctual, it's almost a compulsion, it is difficult for me to be fashionably late to parties.

I work hard to be on time to foster care appointments and visits. I was late once, I showed up at 4:01 for a 4 o'clock visit.

At my agency foster parents are allowed to leave after waiting 30 minutes for parents to arrive for a visit. Although I have waited as long as an hour, early on in Primo's case, but now the social worker is very clear that I may leave after waiting 30 min.

When parents call and let us know that they will be 45 min. late things get dicey. Do we wait or go home? The other thing that gets me upset is showing up on time to pick up from a visit and having to wait 40 minutes past the pick up time for the kids to arrive.

I wonder what would happen if I waited 30 minutes past the end time of a visit and then just went home when the kids were not back yet?

What are your agency's rules about waiting times?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Last winter when I was shopping the clearance racks for Primo's next winters wardrobe I couldn't help but imagine him wearing these new cozy clothes at his adoptive home where he and his brothers would be raised together.

Now as the weather cools I'm dressing Primo in these very same clearance sweaters and pants and feeling a bit sad that the adoptive home I imagined last year has fallen through.

At present I find myself imagining Primo wearing his new warm pajamas later this winter when he is back with his parents. Every time I dress him I wonder if his parents will like his clothes? Will there be enough of them to get him through a year without his Mom and Dad having to buy more?

Just another one of the ups and downs of foster care. Around here they come in three month seasons that follow the outcome of Primo's court dates. For a season I think he will be adopted with his brothers, during a happy summer I think maybe he will stay with us forever, and as a new season dawns I'm thinking of Primo being reunited with his bio family.

Monday, October 15, 2012


Primo has had his one year anniversary in foster care and this got me thinking about how long the average stay in foster care is?

I'm surprised by that stats I found. The average stay in foster care nationally is 26.7 months, that is over two years!

11% of foster children languish in the system for over 5 years. Primo's brothers have just finished their fourth year in foster care and are now embarking on their 5th year.

Are there really that many of us out there who have had foster children in our homes for over two years? Or does this statistic reflect the fact that children are moved to multiple homes during their average two year stays in foster care?

I'm sad to say that Primo's brothers are now in the their 5th foster home.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I won't lie to you all, the begging for help is slowly creeping under my skin and making me itch.

I don't think I'm allowed to give anyone in the foster care system money, right?

I enjoy being helpful as much as the next woman, but I balk at demands for food and money.

The problem is this, if I hypothetically did bring a bag of groceries to a visit, it is now expected to happen at every visit. That expectation is the thing that is bugging me right now.

I need to maintain a good relationship with these parents, but I'm not sure I will be able to in this new climate.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012


I love reading foster care blogs, I have even begun to enjoy commenting on foster care blogs.

BUT for some reason recently I cannot comment on many blogs. You know that little window with the random letters that you have to type into a little box to validate your comment? No matter how often I type in the correct letters I'm told they are wrong!

On some blogs I can comment without the little random letters, but alas, on most I cannot. This is a recent problem, for over a year I never had any trouble commenting, but now all of a sudden I've been shut out.

Any advice?

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

shots and skinny jeans

Having just completed Primo's first year of immunizations I've realized that there must be many more shots for kids under one than there were when my kids were young, or maybe I just rejected some of the more mundane immunizations.

Take chicken pox, for example, my pediatrician didn't even recommend this shot when my kids were little, unless, and I quote: "You are all heading to Disney". My kids all got chicken pox, and now they have life long immunity (in most cases). Primo has had the immunization, he will need a booster when he is older. Hopefully he gets the booster, if not he may get chicken pox as an adult which is much more serious than catching chicken pox as a child.

The last time we were at the pediatrician Primo got 4 shots, two in each leg and had his toes pricked for blood multiple times, a good time it was not.


You may remember what I wrote a while ago about skinny jeans for babies. As often happens to me in life, as soon as I express an opinion about something specific I have never experienced, life has a way of bringing that opinion back to me for a second look, once I have walked in the shoes, as they say for a mile or so. Primo received a pair of skinny jeans for his birthday. Of course I didn't even realize they were skinny jeans til I put them on him. He looked so cute and a little bizarre at the same time. Not saying I would purchase any skinny jeans, but Primo knows how to rock skinny jeans and he receives many compliments when he wears them. I still change him out of the skinny jeans for naps, I just cannot imagine that they are sleep compatible.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Day visits

Day visits have begun. Primo spends a whole day with his parents and brothers.

There are pros and cons to this. Two pros are that I am not driving into the city twice a week during rush hour and that I have a nice expanse of time without a toddler, yep, Primo is now walking!

The cons are that I miss Primo when he's gone and that he's mad at me when he gets home. Poor little guy, I really don't blame him for his reaction, it's perfectly normal.

The side effects of the visits last for a while. Primo does not nap all day when he is visiting. So for a day or two after visits he naps a lot more. There are also diaper rash issues and dietary stuff, if you know what I mean.

I'm not really liking all this change and neither is Primo. We will keep working on this together.