Monday, December 31, 2012

Unsolicited Advice

I'm well aware that the impact of taking on foster care isn't limited to my immediate family. The effects of foster care touch my entire extended family.

Our honeymoon phase with foster care is over. The initial shine is wearing thin. My children are suffering and some of them have started therapy.

I never thought that life with foster care would be easy.

What really has me rattled is all of the unsolicited advice I have been receiving lately. There have been big changes in Primo's case, we have gone from beginning to transition him home to his bio parents, to being back at square one in many ways.

As the question of whether or not we are willing to adopt Primo comes up from our agency and DH$ the opinions of my and Mike's siblings and parents come pouring in. With one exception, we have not asked anyone for advice.

I didn't realized that being in my mid forties would be such a high hurdle for my family to get over when it comes to Primo possibly, because let's face it there are no sure things in foster care, joining our family!

On top of that Primo has another sibling on the way and this completely pushes our families over the edge. To the point of Mike and I receiving a scathing lecture from my youngest sibling on Christmas day. We were told that we have done enough to save the world, and then we were reprimanded for even thinking about burdening our(old)selves with two more children.

I should say that I actually don't take too much of the advice and lecturing personally, but the volume of advice and lectures is starting to wear me down a bit.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Feeling very blessed to have spent our second Christmas with Primo!

Monday, December 24, 2012

What court meant to me

So, as tough as it was to go to court last week I was very happy I was there.

For all the awkward moments, won't go into that, and the stress of the LONG wait there was great relief at the end of it all.

We are back to supervised visits, just one each week.

There is so much going on in Primo's case and I was relieved that the judge chose to put Primo and his brother's safety above all of the recent craziness in this case.

I don't know where this case will go now, it has been a very long stay in foster care for Primo's brothers, and they have just been moved again. I hope they are not left in foster care for 5 years, that would be so unfair to them. I hope they are in a permanent home now.

Friday, December 21, 2012

A very long day

Court today included a VERY long wait to get into the court room, (seriously, I think we were the LAST case to be called for the day) hours of waiting for 15 whole minutes with the judge, but what a 15 minutes it was! These 15 minutes were at the same time awkward, emotional, exhausting and full of relief.

Within 15 minutes of arriving home through rush hour traffic DH$ called to announce they would be coming out to our home between 5:30 and 6PM! (Of course, the real DH$ worker is not coming, he is sending his co-worker)

Oh, and did I mention that Primo's agency social worker called too, and she is coming out on.............CHRISTMAS EVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Only a few more days...

until we go to court.

I have to tell you that I'm extremely nervous, and hopefully realistic about this court date.

I think there is a lot riding on this court date, but of course I can't get much info about what DH$ and my agency are planning for court.

I have finally come to the realization that my agency and therefore Primo's social worker don't have much impact at all on what happens with Primo and his brothers. Any real change in their case has to come from DH$. At our last court date Primo's agency social worker answered one question with a total of 4 words. Because getting a hold of Primo's DH$ worker is impossible, and I mean this literally, he doesn't answer his phone, return calls or return emails and has only come to our home twice in over a year, I have very little to go on before I show up at court.

I'm truly hoping that some wisdom, truth and common sense show up in court this week.

Friday, December 14, 2012


I LOVE my little copier/fax machine.

I cannot tell you how often I've handed original documents, clearances and physical forms to my friendly social worker only to be asked for the same forms a week or even months later.

Lots of paper work gets "lost" and it feels SO very nice to always have a copy on hand.

Most importantly I copy absolutely everything that I am asked to fill out and sign.

Copies make my foster care world feel a little bit better.

I picked up my little miracle/copier machine used and it has been worth EVERY penny I spent on it.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Christmas/Holidays related question???

It seems like everyone sends photo cards for Christmas these days.

Do you include your foster child/ children in your Christmas/Holiday card photo?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

And he's back...

to crying in anger and disappointment every time he sees his parents at a visit.

I know part of his behavior is manipulative, but at the same time I know he is also just expressing his feelings in the moment. This sucks for his parents and makes drop offs and pick ups a little awkward for all of us. I'm also surprised that this is happening months after starting unsupervised day visits.

Court is coming up right before Christmas and I think the lawyers for Primo's parents are going to try for weekend visits. We have been doing day visits since the last court date.

Primo has now been in foster care for well over a year and while I understand that this is not a long stay in the scheme of all things foster care, for a child a few months past his first birthday it is forever. For us as a family it seems like a long time.

We are all on edge about the up coming court date, the thought of Primo being gone during weekends, and the fact that we are going to be transitioning Primo home over the holidays. I have to admit that all of this takes a bit of the light and fun out of our Christmas anticipation.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Real life

Does anyone else out there have trouble blogging when real life gets, shall we say, too real? 

There is SO much going on in Primo's case right now that I wouldn't know where to begin. 

I struggle a lot with keeping our identities private. I don't want to over share information that is not really mine to share.

Please know that there are many many things I would like to write about right now, but I just can't. I am living in the the absolute thick of foster care right now and I'm feeling most uncomfortable. 

We are hoping to find some relief through the courts in the next few weeks. But as with all things court related there is a chance that there will be no relief or clear vision.

Not knowing is the hardest part.