Thursday, June 27, 2013

Pre-court Drama

I guess when I posted a couple of days ago about the fact that not much was happening on the foster care front I angered the foster care gods!

It would seem that all hell has broken loose and Primo's, and his brother's case is up in the air again.

Can't say too much about it, you know, it's just the usual musical chairs game of rotating personnel involved in the case. Last minute "getting with the program" after almost 5 years of being asked repeatedly to get going on the program.

I have to admit it has all thrown me for loop. I thought most everything was worked out and had been handled fairly, but that's just not good enough is it?  It would seem that ulcers for foster parents is a must before TPR trials!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Not much happening on the foster care front. We continue to wait for Primo's TPR trial late this summer.

Primo is a whirl wind of activity, it seems that he runs everywhere. He's climbing everything and loves playing outside, even if it's raining. He's a happy healthy almost 2 year old.

I'm so happy that he really has no idea of the waiting game his life is at this point. He just runs joyously through every day. Kissing and hugging us and thoroughly wearing himself by bedtime.

He is loved.

Monday, June 17, 2013

School is out and all my girlies are home! One of them might have been heard to say this on the way home from shopping this evening: "You know what's good about being the palest of the pale? You never have to figure out your specific shade for make up."

Friday, June 14, 2013

Respite Experiences?

As a foster parent, have you used respite for your foster children and if so how did it work out for you and the kids?

Monday, June 10, 2013

Monday Morning Thought...

Wouldn't it be great if all foster parents were given a stipend for a monthly massage?

I'm sure every one who works in child welfare would love one too.

Friday, June 7, 2013

Foster Care Lull

I never expected to have our first foster care placement last so long.  Primo's stay in foster care has been any thing but linear. He's come close to reunification, and then back again. Now it seems he is headed for termination, but I won't believe that until the judge says so!

I truly believed that he would reunite with his parents and siblings. 

BUT, I had no idea Primo had siblings until he'd lived with us for two weeks. And I had no idea how many he had until, well, I'm not sure when, but he had been with us for quite a while when all that came out.

Twice Primo was supposed to move in with his two older brothers. First at 6 months old when his brothers were finally in a pre-adoptive home. His brothers were removed from that home before Primo could be moved in. Then again he was supposed to move in with his brothers, into the pre-adoptive home they are now in. This home had other foster children and adopted children and they wisely wanted to see how the boys transitioned into their home before they added Primo into their busy mix. It turned out that adding the boys to their family was the max for them, so Primo stayed put with us.

So, three times I have prepared to say goodbye to Primo. And now that he has been with us for so long I can't imagine saying goodbye to him.

Foster care is fickle, children are moved for investigations, emergencies, to live with siblings, family members etc. There has been such a lull in Primo's case over the past few months as we wait for his termination date. In the back of my mind however I know that Primo's life could change in an instant and the family that he has known for almost two years could disappear. All of our lives could change in seconds and our first foster care child could vanish from our lives.

I really can't get over how vulnerable all foster care children are. Their cases can take years and years to resolve and during that time they can be packed up and shipped out multiple times, as is the sad case of Primo's brothers. They have been in 5 or 6 homes in over 4 years. 

I truly do wish that children's cases could be decided, not quickly, but in a certain time frame that is conducive to the safety, stability and well being of the children.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Generosity of Spirit

Every time I go through the drive thru of my favorite coffee/tea shop I pay for what ever the car behind me ordered. Some times I pay for one tiny tea, sometimes a car full of coffees and deserts, whatever it is I pay for it. This is a small rule I've imposed on myself ever since that day long ago when some kind soul driving the car in front of me paid for my tea.

I felt so happy that day when my tea was free! So, I like to pass along the favor to others. This is easy to do when I'm happy and my wallet is full.

When I'm having a bad day and my wallet is thin it's not so easy. On days like these I may feel relieved when there is nobody behind me at the drive through. But if there is someone I still pay. I want to build a habit of random acts of kindness, even when I'm not feeling kind.

It's a bit like foster care. When foster care was shiny and new I bent over backwards to be kind and accommodating to every one involved in the system. As time wore on, and the shine was tarnished, it became increasingly trying to keep up my generous attitude. Throw in a little disrespect, a few "if looks could kill", and more than a couple of requests that were above and beyond the call of foster parent duties and I was ready to simply start throwing back what was being given to me.

BUT, remembering my old drive thru rule I adjusted my thinking and started back at square one. Some days it is easy to be kind, respectful and generous, on the days when it is FAR, FAR and seemingly impossibly FAR from easy I try to do it any way.