Friday, June 7, 2013

Foster Care Lull

I never expected to have our first foster care placement last so long.  Primo's stay in foster care has been any thing but linear. He's come close to reunification, and then back again. Now it seems he is headed for termination, but I won't believe that until the judge says so!

I truly believed that he would reunite with his parents and siblings. 

BUT, I had no idea Primo had siblings until he'd lived with us for two weeks. And I had no idea how many he had until, well, I'm not sure when, but he had been with us for quite a while when all that came out.

Twice Primo was supposed to move in with his two older brothers. First at 6 months old when his brothers were finally in a pre-adoptive home. His brothers were removed from that home before Primo could be moved in. Then again he was supposed to move in with his brothers, into the pre-adoptive home they are now in. This home had other foster children and adopted children and they wisely wanted to see how the boys transitioned into their home before they added Primo into their busy mix. It turned out that adding the boys to their family was the max for them, so Primo stayed put with us.

So, three times I have prepared to say goodbye to Primo. And now that he has been with us for so long I can't imagine saying goodbye to him.

Foster care is fickle, children are moved for investigations, emergencies, to live with siblings, family members etc. There has been such a lull in Primo's case over the past few months as we wait for his termination date. In the back of my mind however I know that Primo's life could change in an instant and the family that he has known for almost two years could disappear. All of our lives could change in seconds and our first foster care child could vanish from our lives.

I really can't get over how vulnerable all foster care children are. Their cases can take years and years to resolve and during that time they can be packed up and shipped out multiple times, as is the sad case of Primo's brothers. They have been in 5 or 6 homes in over 4 years. 

I truly do wish that children's cases could be decided, not quickly, but in a certain time frame that is conducive to the safety, stability and well being of the children.


  1. I can't agree with your last sentence more! It breaks my heart how much kids in care are moved around. And they wonder why they have RAD! Good luck, mamma!!

  2. It is so sad to see so many kids in the system, there were many times during our daughters case that we thought " wait aren't you supposed to be looking out for HER best interest!" Our case was supposed to be done by her 1st birthday, she'll be 2 in august and we are still waiting!!

    1. Sounds similar to Primo's case, in the beginning they assured me that his case would be settled by the time he was 1.