Monday, July 29, 2013

One of the Best Things...

I've read on the web lately is THIS.  I too love foster care, as difficult as it is, and I'm hoping that if I read this lovely post by Teresa a few more times it will help me out of the slump I'm in right now.

Saturday, July 27, 2013


It's with great relief that I can report we now have permission from the judge to travel on our family vacation next month!

We always need permission to travel even within our own state if we are staying over night and now that Primo's parents don't want him to travel with us anymore I have some idea of why many people don't want to get involved in foster care.

Where we live we are a very easy (15 min) drive to another state and less than 45 minutes from yet another. Day trips we did all the time before foster care are now a major hassle. We can't wake up on any given Saturday and decide it would be fun to visit X,Y or Z museum/aquarium/ANYTHING without permission. This also often means that I can't take Primo to my children's sporting events during the school year.

I'm really starting to yearn for more freedom.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Going Above

We've decided we really need a vacation, so we asked Primo's lawyer if he could ask the judge for an order granting us permission to travel out of state as a family. He said it would be no problem at all and he was very surprised that Primo's parents wouldn't give permission for him to travel because there are going to be no missed visits because of our vacation.

I'm sad that things have changed so much. I don't like having to ask the court for permission to travel, but at the same time I'm tired of sacrificing family time to foster care.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Vacation Woes

Primo has been denied permission to travel out of state on vacation with us in August, by his parents. They have always granted permission before, but this time they feel it would be beneficial for him to spend a week with another family. Any other family, but not the other foster families who care for his siblings.

This leaves us with two options cancel our vacation or ask Primo's GAL (Gardian ad litem, in short his lawyer) to try and get permission from the court for Primo to travel with us.

I guess technically there is the third option of respite care, but as I don't know anyone personally who I could ask to do respite care for Primo this doesn't feel right. We are very used to traveling with him and enjoy it, he has never been left out of any of our vacations. I don't see any value in leaving an almost 2 year old with strangers for a week.

What would you do?

Thursday, July 18, 2013

2 Diaper Bags

One of the practical changes I've made during Primo's time in our home was to go from one diaper bag to two.

In the beginning I had only one. I often left personal items and cash in the diaper bag when I took it to visits. This didn't work well for obvious reasons.

With two diaper bags, it's convenient to leave my personal wallet etc. in the second/personal diaper, this way I don't have to drag my purse along to all Primo's doctors appointments etc. The other bonus was that the visit diaper bag is always ready to go, I just re-stock it after visits and as no one uses it between visits it is simple to add a cup and a snack and I'm ready to run!

Monday, July 15, 2013

Monday Morning Thought

I really wish that when I was going to visits once and even twice a week that I had found a beginner's yoga or spin class near the the visit sight. This could have been an important way for me to help with the stress of foster parenting.

Well...maybe next time.

Friday, July 12, 2013


Wow, there is a big difference from my earlier writing on this blog and what I write now.

Looking back I can see that I have become a bit despondent in my foster care life. For example, if I read some of my earlier and more popular posts I can see how much happier I was.

I guess I'm in a bit of slump. Foster care is not an easy thing to write about, their are privacy issues, and by it's nature foster care is not easy, carefree and fun.

It seems that many blogs follow the pattern of starting out positive and idealistic and then slowly take a down word turn. Oh well, probably just the nature of foster care in general, but I really want to get some of my earlier optimism. Perhaps this is impossible, but I don't like the way I feel about foster care now.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

How Many Walls?

I'm not sure if I've mentioned it before but Primo's visits with his parents were cut back by the judge.

The result of going to less visits has been me liking visits even less. When I went once a week, (and for many months I went twice a week), it was just part of the foster parenting routine, I didn't love it, but I didn't question it or think about it that much. Now if you throw in a visit missed or cancelled by Primo's parents we can go a month without a visit, so when an actual visit rolls around again I resent it. I don't want to go, I feel nervous again about visits, I feel sad that Primo goes so long without seeing his parents, in short, I have many more emotions around visits now that there are so few of them.

OR, it could be that I'm feeling worn out by the system and the change in visitation has nothing to do with anything.

I'm tired. 

I don't know how foster parents carry on with cases that go on for more than two years. I know you hang in there for the kids, but 2 yrs to 7 yrs or 8 or whatever! years without a resolution is just brutal.

I can't even begin to imagine what this must be like for the children.

About a year into Primo's case I successfully gave it all up, in my mind I decided I would be patient, I had no control over foster care so I would watch it all play out, while loving Primo and doing my best for him. 

This is NOT cutting it any more. I need to get my good attitude back.

Is foster care like running, you hit a wall and then it gets better again?

Monday, July 8, 2013

Monday Morning Thought...donations?

A question for those of you who participate in foster care via a private agency, do you donate money and or toys and clothing to your agency?

Does your agency rely on and solicit donations from the general public?