Monday, August 26, 2013

What the?

I'm extremely frustrated. I just heard from Primo's social worker that the TPR trial has been continued because one person who HAD to be there just plain didn't show up. So now we wait until FEBRUARY to try again.

I'm speechless.


Before I knew what I was doing this morning (you remember, right? Primo's TPR trial is today), I had gnawed off two of my finger nails! After over 10 years of conquering my nervous habit of biting my finger nails it is all over just like that.

I can't imagine how Primo's parents must be feeling this morning.

Stress like this may drive a person right back to any old unhealthy coping mechanisms they have used in the past.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Court is next week. Everyone is feeling confident that the termination of parental rights will happen. I have mixed feelings about this, but do want Primo and his brothers to be able to find some stability in their lives after 5 years in foster care.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Open Adoption via Foster Care?

We are now filling out a lot of adoption paper work for Primo. TPR trial is around the corner, it feels odd to fill out this paper work before termination has been finalized.

This all leads me to think about how much openness there will be in this adoption. I know that I want Primo to still have contact with his parents once he is adopted. I would love to hear from anyone who has an open adoption via foster care. 

What has worked for you and what hasn't worked?

Is your open adoption agreement legally binding?

How many times a year do you have contact?



Thursday, August 8, 2013


Inst*gram, snap!chat, FB and V!ne, there are sooo many ways to share photos and videos these days all of which are off limits to foster parents. I get it and I don't post photos of Primo anywhere online or otherwise, but try convincing teenagers of this rule. So much of their lives are online and when they consider Primo their brother after 2 years of living with him it is nearly impossible to keep them from posting photos of Primo. A couple of my kids are legal adults, I've explained the rules, but just the other day my sister (one of my sibs who lives very far from us) called me exclaiming over the adorable photo of Primo on one of my daughter's inst*gram accounts. She lamented the fact that her children rarely see photos of their cousin and how much they miss us all.

This is where it gets difficult, out of town family want to keep up with Primo and see photos of him. What's a foster mom to do? And as for controlling adult children forget about it.

How do you share photos of your foster kids with out of town family?

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Visit Logistics

Where I live and with my agency foster parents are responsible for taking their foster children to and from their family visits. If for some reason you cannot take your child to a visit you must find a social worker willing to drive them or another foster parent, or maybe some one who specifically has all their foster care clearances and is over 21. This is more of a one time thing type of option. As foster parents Mike and I are supposed to make sure Primo gets to his visits no matter what.

I've read on on other foster care blogs that some children are taken by transporters who pick them up for each visit and return them home afterwards. While I value my face to face time with Primo's parents and siblings I have to admit to being a bit jealous of those foster parents who have the option of a transporter.

I'm about an hour from Primo's visit sight, so coming home between dropping off for a visit and picking up is not an option given the 2 hour visit time. This means that I have to find something to do for 2 hours in the city or just hang out in the waiting room and that overall visits take 4 hours out of my day.

I would love to drop Primo off for his visit and drive home and have Mike pick Primo up on his way home from work, once in a blue moon this works and I love it when it does. For the most part however this doesn't work. Primo's parents are generally late for visits, so this means there is often an half hour during which all the siblings and foster parents wait in the agency waiting room, and on the days when the parents don't show up at all we leave the visit early. The two social workers who handle this case don't want to be caring for the children during this half hour wait, and if neither parents comes to the visit what then? They would have to be responsible for the children for two hours before the foster parents returned.

I realize that having a transporter could also be stressful as they are one more stranger that the children would have to spend time with. I would imagine that Primo would not love getting into a car with someone he doesn't know for an hour on his way to visits and back. But sometimes during my more tired and frustrating days I daydream of spending those 4 hours however I pleased instead of sitting around waiting and battling city traffic.