Thursday, March 27, 2014

A bi-racial family first, or was it?

The other evening Mike, Primo and I attended the church of Primo's older brothers and their foster family.
After church Primo and his brothers were very happy to see each other, they were hugging and kissing and running and playing while we adults visited.

I noticed a man watching Primo. As Primo played the man was scanning the room, he never looked at me or made eye contact with me even though I was a only a foot or two away from Primo. When Primo ran near this gentleman he reached out and took Primo's hand and asked him, "where are are your parents?" Primo was not bothered by this and I was a two feet away from them and Mike was standing right next to this gentleman. When I announced that Primo was with me there was a quick apology and no offence taken.

I shared with Dolly and Vivienne my take on this situation: because Primo is black this gentleman was looking for black parents and didn't even consider that Mike and I might be his parents.

Dolly looked at me skeptically, and said: "Really Mom? I'm sure that he just thought you were too old to be Primo's parents."

I guess it could go either way.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014


Primo's new social worker called a week ahead of time to reschedule our next home visit appointment!

Where have you been for the past three years?

Friday, March 21, 2014

It's been 30 days

There has been no appeal to the TPR back in Feb.

We have an agency adoption social worker, we've had her since last summer and all of our adoption paper work has been completed since last fall.

It has been 30 plus days since TPR and Primo has still not been transferred to DH$ adoptions. I'm irritated but not surprised.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Well what do you know?

Primo's new agency social worker was on time for our home visit. I'm serious, she was on time!

For example if the appointment was for 2:00 PM she knocked on my door at 2:00 PM! Not 2:15, 2:30, 5:00 or never.

I could get used to this.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

We went to church today...

which is completely unusual for us. We've become Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter type attendees for the past few years.

We tried a new service today and it was very interesting. The general take away message was about getting out into the muck of life and doing something to help the world. If you see injustice in the word go out and do something about it. You know, the old get our of your bubble/box/comfort zone and change the world.

Mike and I have been of different minds when it comes to foster care. I think it would be fair to say that I am the only one of my family interested in continuing foster care after Primo's adoption is finalized. And at this point I'm only committed to providing respite care.

While I was inspired by the sermon and thought a lot about the fact that the pastor talked about every child deserving a peaceful, loving home I'm still conflicted. 

Participating in foster care for the past three years has been a huge sacrifice, not in the way you may be thinking when you read this. I literally feel that I have sacrificed some of my children to the wrecked system that is foster care. While I'm confident that none of my girls would change the fact that Primo is their brother, this outcome came with some REALLY BAD PAIN AND SUFFERING for our family. The kind of HELL you would never choose to put your children through. I will not go into the specifics to protect my children.

I also worry a lot about how continuing foster care would effect Primo. He clearly has abandonment issues and how would he tolerate brothers and sisters coming and going from our home on the whims of DH$ and our agency?

In the end even if I do feel inspired to keep on with foster care, can I really do this without the support of every member of my family who lives in our home?

I know there are ways to be involved in foster care without having foster children in our home, maybe it's time to explore those other options?

Saturday, March 15, 2014

One of the best things I've read on the web today...

Wow, there have been a lot of great blog posts about foster care lately and Don't Save My Child is one of the best. This post is not specific to foster care, but it does address many of the behaviors and responses to those behaviors that I have experienced in foster care. This is written so succinctly and yet is full of valuable information about children who come from very difficult places.

Monday, March 10, 2014

What do you think of this?

Primo's new agency social worker called me to schedule both of her monthly home visits ahead of time, as in WEEKS ahead of time, not hours!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

A New Social Worker

That's what we've got, only a couple of weeks after TPR. The nice part is that she is experienced and seems very organized. I don't see any last minute visits in my future, and that feels good.

Once again we're in waiting mode around here. We are waiting for mid March to roll around at which point we will know if the TPR decision is being appealed and around that time Primo should be transferred to adoptions at DH$.

Primo has been developing by leaps and bounds, he has a good solid vocabulary which he adds to weekly. He is all little boy, jumping and climbing and tantruming. We actually left the barber shop yesterday because he couldn't keep it together. We went back an hour later and everything went smoothly. It's been a lot of years since I've parented a toddler, the amount of hard work, redirection, and negotiation seems to have completely slipped my mind!

Primo has also started a little preschool program which he enjoys very much, and I LOVE the time it provides me to run errands alone and keep the house more organized.