Monday, April 21, 2014

It's been 60 days

since TPR and still no DHS adoption social worker and no transfer to adoptions yet.

I'm feeling pretty depressed about this, I mean come on! Legally DH& has 30 days to transfer his case and assign a social worker. I don't know what's going on, I have no contact at DH# and my agency adoption worker is coming up empty too.

What's another few months in foster care for Primo and his brothers? ARGGGGGG!!

Monday, April 14, 2014

Self care: no exuses

I've bought a membership to a massage place. Think massage jealousy or hand and rock, you know one of those big massage chains.

They take $50 out of my checking account every month and I go in for a massage or facial every month. All I have to do is make an appointment and show up with some tip money.

In the past I have tried to be self disciplined about taking care of myself, but I'm not very good at it. I would tell myself that I would get a massage every month, (it's good for you, it's quiet and no one talks to you, the only sound is soothing music)  alas, I would only get about one massage a year. Time flies, especially while doing foster care.

Ever since I purchased my membership I'm forced to relax once a month. I have skipped a month or two, but that doesn't matter I never lose my $50, the next month I can go twice. 

I love it! I'm much more likely to get a massage if it's already paid for.

What do you do to take care of yourself?

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Running foster care tally

As of today Primo has been in foster care for 2.5 years and has had:

3 judges
3 lawyers
5 agency social workers
1 DH$ social worker
1 foster home

There is still time for the tally to go up as it has been almost 2 months since termination and Primo has still not been transferred to the adoptions dept. of DH$%#%#$^%$#!!!!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

And just like that, she's moved up...

Primo's new social worker has been promoted to supervisor (I've always wondered how many layers of supervisors there are, everyone in foster care seems to have one?)  I'm very disappointed, she was so prompt, organized and easy to get in touch with.

All the good ones move up too soon.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

A little insight

We had a home visit yesterday.

As usual our new agency social worker was spot on time!

The interesting part of the visit was when SW complimented me on my ability to have paper work completed and in her hands on time, consistently. (I'm still flattered by this compliment)

She then went on to add that she loved coming to a home where the foster parents always remember that she's coming and are always home for the home visits. (This compliment I've NEVER heard before)

Apparently some of her foster parents write down or punch home visit dates into their phones and computers right in front of her and then when she shows up for the next home visit there's nobody home.

I appreciate having a little insight into the "other side".

Friday, April 4, 2014

Please stop telling me that my son "is SO lucky to have me"

Throughout my time with Primo there have been a few people who have told me that Primo is "SOOOOO lucky to have me".  I understand where this sentiment comes from. I may have said the same thing to another foster Mom before I became a foster Mom.

Ever since termination this comment is happening frequently. So frequently, in fact, that it's really getting old and offensive to me. At first I used to balk and feel like they had it all wrong, I was the lucky one, lucky to have such a special, beautiful child in my life. Although I could never quite say this aloud due to the fact that I couldn't reconcile my so called "luck" coming from all that Primo had lost in his life.

"What I hear when you tell me that my son is 'so lucky to have me': You believe he would be nothing without me. That he would have been so disadvantaged, miserable and neglected that he would have "amounted to nothing". Without me he would not be the valuable human being that he is. Without my love, stability, money, power, educational possibilities, nice neighborhood and whatever else you think of as a "must have" to become a decent human being, he would be deficient some how."

(Maybe I'm a tad defensive?)

This is simply untrue. Primo will always be a valuable and loveable human being, with or without me.

During the short 2.5 years that Primo has been on Earth he has lost everything. 

There is no fairy tale ending here. There is no luck, just life.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014


I took Primo to the post office today. As we passed through the double doors into the lobby he looked up and me and asked: " See Adda an BB today?" 

I replied: "No, this is the post office, no Adda and BB today."

Primo shouted "NO! See Adda and BB!"

I guess nondescript government buildings bring back memories of visiting with his siblings. He never asks for his first parents.

I let him look around until he realized his brothers were not waiting in line to mail a package, and then we left.

It's amazing that after months of not having visits, walking into the post office brings it all back for him.