Friday, April 4, 2014

Please stop telling me that my son "is SO lucky to have me"

Throughout my time with Primo there have been a few people who have told me that Primo is "SOOOOO lucky to have me".  I understand where this sentiment comes from. I may have said the same thing to another foster Mom before I became a foster Mom.

Ever since termination this comment is happening frequently. So frequently, in fact, that it's really getting old and offensive to me. At first I used to balk and feel like they had it all wrong, I was the lucky one, lucky to have such a special, beautiful child in my life. Although I could never quite say this aloud due to the fact that I couldn't reconcile my so called "luck" coming from all that Primo had lost in his life.

"What I hear when you tell me that my son is 'so lucky to have me': You believe he would be nothing without me. That he would have been so disadvantaged, miserable and neglected that he would have "amounted to nothing". Without me he would not be the valuable human being that he is. Without my love, stability, money, power, educational possibilities, nice neighborhood and whatever else you think of as a "must have" to become a decent human being, he would be deficient some how."

(Maybe I'm a tad defensive?)

This is simply untrue. Primo will always be a valuable and loveable human being, with or without me.

During the short 2.5 years that Primo has been on Earth he has lost everything. 

There is no fairy tale ending here. There is no luck, just life.

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