Monday, December 8, 2014

Post adoption blues

I've got 'em.

Generally feeling down and bored. It sounds hard to be bored when I have a three year old at home along with two teenagers. I'm always moving, cleaning, driving, playing etc. but my heart doesn't feel in it right now.

We are still open to do respite care.

However without 4 monthly social worker visits and all the paper work I'm feeling a big let down. Parenting Primo is the same but without actively working in the system I don't have the urgent sense of usefulness I had before the adoption. That being said I don't feel ready to jump back into foster parenting again either. You must remember that I parented 4 small children many moons ago and I do NOT want to go back to that place in my life, it was HARD! Parenting one toddler at a time is much more enjoyable.

There's another piece to my post adoption blues. It's hard to be honest about this piece.
Mike and I are going to be parenting well into our mid 60s. As of today we are 2 years away from all of our daughters being away at college or adults out on their own. In my bluer moments I feel sorry about all of the couple freedoms we will be giving up: traveling whenever we want to, spending weekends out without needing a babysitter, sleeping in on the weekends (those 5:30 AM wake ups with Primo are tough). It all boils down to a loss of general spontaneity that I hadn't consciously ever realized I would miss.

So far I'm putting one foot in front of the other and walking my way through the blues. I think a long weekend away is what Mike and I need. Doing whatever we want to, with no nap schedule or potty training, sleeping into "whenever", reading, relaxing, walking at our own pace without chasing a 3 year old, you get the picture. So far this has eluded us, we need to find a good babysitter or find a time when our three younger daughters can hold down the fort for a while. Coordinating schedules with teens and young adults is tough, but I think it would be worth it. If it all comes together and we actually get away for a few days I will let you know, until then I'll be doing what I've been doing for the last 23 years: parenting.

4 comments:

  1. Honest posts like this need to be written. Thank you for sharing!!

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  2. I love your transparency and honesty in this piece!

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  3. This was such a good post. I just found your blog and I find it so compelling. I have three small kids now and sometimes I just want to get away from them. I just need a break from time to time. Young kids are fun, but totally overwhelming.

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  4. Thanks ladies. I struggle everyday with wanting to provide Primo with a sibling at home, who is closer to his age than my daughters. At the same time I know my limits, I should rephrase that, I know I could get through the days with another small child in my home. However the quality of my life and those in my home would be greatly diminished. It sounds kind of selfish, but I also worry as an older parent of a toddler about staying around until my Primo is well into adulthood. My kids in their 20s still need me a lot. I guess today I'm unwilling to go back into the overwhelm that parenting multiple toddlers is.

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