Thursday, February 26, 2015

Primo's revised birth certificate has arrived and I'm headed to the social security office today.

This is the last piece of the post adoption puzzle I need to take care of!

Monday, February 16, 2015

"...but like all things in child welfare, the clocks are set in months, not minutes."

~To the End of June, Cris Beam

Saturday, February 14, 2015

To the End of June: The Intimate Life of American Foster Care, by Cris Beam

This is the latest book on foster care that I'm reading. I read a lot about foster care. Sometimes I think I read too much about foster care. Let's face it reading about foster care can be depressing.

This book is no different, it can be depressing, but the information it contains was garnered over years of interviews and through lots of academic research and I like that. I would say that To The End Of June is based mainly in New York, but it does branch out and study other foster care systems as they've changed.

Here are a few quotes from the book that touched me:

"Dr. Francine Cournos has written and spoken extensively about child welfare since she was a foster child herself in the late fifties, and she says that still, workers focus too much on rules and protocol rather than on kids' emotional attachments."

"The day somebody asks a foster child, 'Where were you living before your biological mother's? (speaking of a child coming back to care after reunification has failed) How long were you there? How did that work out?'--that will be a very good day."

"It's partly because the system treats foster parents as "interchangeable parts" that they don't do the critical work of attaching to their children. Or they do it and then they stop. They're just like foster kids: they get burned out on the system's entrenched disregard for their love."

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Our first post-adoption visit

We met in a public place near Primo's parent's home. Only Mom showed up and we had a nice visit. Mom did really well, she let Primo have his space and enjoyed visiting with me while Mike and Primo played near by.

Primo totally remembered his Mom. He was unsure at first and asked if Mike and I were going to stay with him? I reassured Primo that we would stay with him the whole time.

Primo came over to Mom and held her hand and talked with her, she wiped his nose for him and told him how handsome he is.

The visit felt like a win win to me.

But 2 days after the visit all of our potty training progress flew out the window.

Primo had been 95% potty trained when we went to the visit.

I can't be sure that the cause of the potty training regression is due to the visit, but on the drive home from the visit Primo insisted that I sit in the back of the car with him and hold his hand all the way home,  while he cried on and off.

I feel torn, I still believe that seeing his first parents is good for Primo, but a reaction like this shakes my confidence.